Futuristic.

I came across a few of my momma-friends' blogs, and we were all interested in the grand idea to essentially write a letter to our current selves from our pregnant selves a few weeks prior to becoming a mom. Hit it.

Dear Candace,

You are a few short weeks away from proving that you are a much wiser and stronger person than you give yourself credit for. You are about to experience the single greatest blessing a woman can ask for in a lifetime. You never asked for motherhood, it fell into your lap, but this is the most important and incredible thing you will ever do or be, I promise.

Do not spend the last handful of weeks stressing about your ability to parent! You are going to prove to everyone and yourself that you are a damn good mother. You are just as capable as anyone, and once you hear that first scream and instant cry while he's thrown on you, or you feel that heart beat against your chest..that soft breathing purring into your ear as that little boy drifts off to sleep in your arms, your maternal instincts will kick in.

People are absolutely not just being annoying when they say "enjoy every second while it lasts". Time is going to fly by so quickly and you're going to feel devastated when you learn just how truly fast it passes. Cherish every second. Soak in every breath, smile, laugh, pound gained, bottle fed. Smile at every minute of interrupted sleep. Love every second spent cuddling him close. Don't ever sweat the small stuff about being a mom!

Finally, I can promise that you are not going to be a perfect parent. Nobody ever is, you just have to try your best. You are going to have to learn and make mistakes - trial and error is okay. These are your mistakes to make. These are your things to learn. You will become a better mother by having struggles and hurdles and overcoming them. The absolute joy, happiness, peace, serenity, clarity and love you will experience trumps everything else. It's all worth it.

Love,

Yourself

Mommy Makeup!

Most pregnant people know that they are constantly told how they will cease to exist as a "woman" once they become a mother. You stop caring about your appearance and do whatever works at that point and time. Yes, including wearing no bra (or sometimes shirt!) if you're a breastfeeding momma.

Point being, the most wonderful feeling is getting dolled up by my beautiful sister-in-law when I finally got a date night! Recently her blog she has been doing exceedingly well, and she has decided to start doing makeup giveaways!

Go check out her page for her makeup tutorials, blogs and a chance to win some free MAC makeup!! HTTP://ELF-ADDICT.BLOGSPOT.COM

Down and out? I wish.

Sudden discovery? Being a mom is the toughest when you aren't feeling well. I have to admit, since giving birth to my little treasure, my body hasn't been at 100 percent..ever. It feels like they fixed my lady parts, but didn't bother to inform my organs to go back into place. I feel like a poorly constructed jigsaw puzzle with probably a few pieces missing.

I trucked through that, because I've come to the conclusion until another few months I'm not going to feel perfect! However, when a sore throat and a little cough enter the picture, and I stare at the clock and pray to God he's going to have a catch-up day on sleep - I should have known I was in for trouble.

The one day mommy is "out of commission" is the day he likes to be as cranky as can be. I know it's not his fault, so I pull out my compassionate and adoring mother card and (avoiding to kiss him) pulled him into a tight embrace and started rubbing his back. What do I get in return? I handful of my hair being ripped from the roots. "Ow, Kaiden.. can you let go of mommy's hair?" Laughter. Pure, straight from the heart chuckle. I smile and say "Oh thank you for loving mommy's luscious locks!" and softly pry his hands open to unleash myself. As soon as the last strand is out of his grasp, he started to wail. I frantically tossed my hair back into his view, but to no avail.. much too late. Bottle? Warm up.. come on, warm up faster. Nope, don't want that. Pacifier? Scream, scream, suck, suck..... Victory? Spit out! Cry, cry, scream.

The only thing that really keeps him quiet is singing "If you're happy and you know it" and I feel saddened when I know that I can recall the lyrics to any Spice Girls song, and probably all of the ones by the Backstreet Boys, but for the life of me I cannot come up with more than two kids songs. Really? Really. Back on point, that only lasted a few more minutes before he tossed his hands in the air in frustration and kept crying.

My last resort is always rubbing his gums, because if it's not food or fun he wants and I know I just changed him, it's usually that his teething is starting to bother him. My poor little quick-developing baby! So finger teether in hand, we sit in the rocking chair and before I know it, he's out. What happens next? I have a coughing attack, waking him up even after I run out of the room and muffle my coughs against my arm. And this horrid set of occurrences happens throughout the entire day!

By the evening when I could finally get a nap because my mother is home, I was absolutely drained. My whole body was ready to fall apart and I started at her in utter and complete shock. "How did you do this with TWO babies? I could barely keep up with him." She smiled at me and chuckled "I never got sick!". My lucky mother. And then I smiled to myself when I thought "Lucky, yeah maybe. But she would have done the same thing I did and persevered!".

Meestor Punkin,

I can recall holding you in my belly, folding my hands over that growing bump and smiling whenever I would feel the slightest nudge. I tell pregnant friends the most incredible thing is when the baby has hiccups - which you did frequently - and you can feel the constant little bubbles in your stomach.

How did we get to four months so quickly? You are one-third of the way to being a year old. How many times do I have to use the word "bittersweet"? I am ecstatic watching you flip from your stomach to your back, and vice versa.. smiling at those big brown eyes and beautiful smile you give when you know you have just accomplished something new. You laugh when I hover over you clapping enthusiastically and reiterating "Good boy! Mommy's little boy! Mommy's little angel!" over and over. In my head I'm thinking "Please slow down! Just get your wrinkly, red skin back, curl your legs underneath you and cuddle me.

My mind has been so scattered the past week and a half, Kaiden. You're far too young to understand the tragedies in this world, especially the things going on in Japan. You saw me look at a television screen and shed tears, and although you probably didn't understand the emotion on mommy's face, you laid a comforting hand on my cheek. Death is a hard subject for anyone. Seeing all the people who essentially didn't have the chance to live their full potential in life is devastating. Even more devastating is the fact that throughout all those reports, all I could imagine is any parent having to lose their child to that. Young or old, somebody's son or daughter is no longer on this earth with them.

This scares me to death. I wish I had the ability to protect you from every bad thing that will ever happen. In those minutes of sadness, I prayed for the super strength to fight off any and every physical, emotional and mental harms to ever be put in front of you. My love for you in my head will always feel like enough to protect you from everything, but ultimately the only thing I can do is constantly pray. The only way for a mother to survive this thing called motherhood and to not feel so small and insignificant is to believe in something big. Believe that there is a higher power that is going to look out for you when it's out of your mother's hands.

The other day I came across my notebook, the one I wrote little tidbits of my feelings when I learned you were coming into this world. I was overcome with so many emotions, and it's incredible to read how beautifully your existence was impacting me, even before I held you in my arms. You have made me everything I was a better version. More beliefs, more morals, more strength, and a whole lot of more love.

One day you will understand this kind of love, when your own miracle smiles up at you. Until then, it's you and me in this together.. You mean everything to me, and time will never change that except for the better.. and I wouldn't have it any other way, kiddo.

Love,

Mommy