Biracial Sensitivity!

I'm a huge fan of reading my own writing at times, especially those memories of when I was "with child". It allows me to recall a time that is a dim light at the end of a tunnel at this point - thoughts, questions, concerns, the whole lot. This will come to play in a few short minutes.

Recently a friend of mine who frequents the baby-gaga.com website to chat with fellow mommy and mommy-to-be's informed me of a pregnant lady who posted a question about bi-racial babies and what her child would perhaps look like. Word of mouth, the feedback was horrendous. People calling her everything under the sun because of this simple question.

To some degree, I understand why it would seem like a slap in a face to different races or mothers in general. Why does it matter what colour your child will be, what features will be more dominant, and so on. At the same time (back to those written down accounts!) I can recall my curiosity. I can remember wondering if he'll be dark or light, the shape of his nose, the texture of his hair, etc. In the long run I knew it wouldn't matter, and I knew I could look at a million babies with the same ethnicity and that would never amount to what my baby would look like.

I just really don't understand why people would turn curiosity into a monsterous thing. She wasn't going to disown her baby if it came out more dark or more light than she wanted, if it had big ears, or small eyes. Why is this world so full of hatred and assumptions?

Simply put, I love my bi-racial little angel. If anything his colour enhances his appearance, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Now I am off to post a picture of him in response to this girl's post. Always showing some love!

Ow, needles.

Another one of those days that are unbearable in the eyes of a mother - the dreaded doctor appointment, complete with a weigh-in (He's HOW big?!) and two needles directly into both thighs.

If someone asked me if I was a strong as a person, I would absolutely nod my head in agreement. Ask me if I'm strong as a mother, I would have to hang my head. I cannot, cannot, cannot be the one to hold my son down while the doctor pokes and prods him. I'm not sure if it has to do with my own phobia of needles or what it actually is.. perhaps I just refuse to be the person who pins him down (even though it is for his own good) to receive these needles. Enter grandmother!

The point of this post is to talk about needles, however. A friend of my mother has an [almost]one year old daughter, which came as a surprise after having a sixteen year old and this being completely random and unplanned. Whatever, "blessing in disguise" and all that entails.

With the exception of her first (maybe second?) set of shots, her daughter has not even gone to the doctor for as much as a checkup. To me, this is an absolute no-no, so I gasped in shock when I was told and questioned "why".

Apparently said mother (who's teenage son has already had these shots years ago, obviously) had taken her daughter to receive her shots, and afterwards she was very unresponsive. Unhappy, sad, wouldn't make noises, wouldn't laugh, etc. Luckily my son is "as strong as an ox" we like to say, and I have not even had to deal with the slightest bit of a fever after shots, just a little bit of crankiness and irritation. Point being, she now read into needles supposedly causing autism (apparently this was one case of a doctor giving his own vaccines in England years and years and years ago) so she refuses to let her daughter get them.

Out of curiosity, I asked my doctor today about the seriousness of these shots and "a family friend not getting them for her daughter". He stared at me so seriously and informed me "if public health finds out about it, the daughter can be taken away.. she won't be admitted into schools when she's older, and if something horrible (god forbid) happens, the parents can be charged with negligent homicide". I nodded my head, and told him I would pass on the information.

I know it's not drastic, I understand exactly the seriousness.. but as a mother I can only question why you would put yourself or more importantly, your child into that situation.

You yourself have claimed the needles never harmed you, your older child has had them.. he's fine. Many people around you have had them, their children, their children.. I don't understand why it doesn't click.

We are off for a nap, contemplating why some people are the way they are.

The good news is my big boy is happy, healthy, vaccinated and a whopping 20 pounds at 6 months of age. My little chub <3

Out and about!

It's been a little longer than forever since I've typed a blog. I've been soaking up every last second of baby-cuteness as my little one disappears as a "newborn" and arrives directly at "baby boy". Even in clothing sizes (according to every store I shop!).

The past weekend we fled the city to enjoy a beautiful weekend in the country. This included a few days of packing lists - "How much can a baby need?!" was greeted with the grinding of my teeth a million and one times. I discovered with a little one you try your best to be prepared, and with weather being so up and down, I had to cover all bases. Warm clothes, cold clothes, hats, sunglasses, sunscreen, toys, books, towels, facecloths, bath products, diapers, wipes, baby food processor, dishes, spoons, formula, bottles.. the list goes on, and on.

Many firsts were held in this great spot up north. Nature, nature, nature. I'm not going to say I live in a industrial area, surrounded by not even a blade of grass. However, you cannot compare a sandbox of sand to a full beach and park, or a backyard of grass to several fields, or a few trees on our street to dirt paths meandering through an entire forest. You can't. So the first time he felt sand in between his toes, the first time he lounged in the grass (and picked mommy her first flower!), and the first time he went for a walk with the sounds of hundreds of woodland creatures greeting every crunch of the rocks and sticks underneath my feet - and his tires - all happened in the span of two days.

His reactions to such simple things made me sit back and admire my child. Back from a "oh my goodness, is my baby the cutest thing in this world, or what?!" standpoint, but as a person who's looking at any child and smiling at how small their world is right now. He has no idea how complicated things will get. He has no idea of all the difficult decisions he will one day have to make, all the people he will meet and all the different places he will encounter. In that moment, I grinned at my son.. his innocence and curiosity being such a beautiful thing. Something I pray every day he will hold on to as long as possible, and I wish he could remember how simple these things are but how happy they made him. I guess that's why I take so many photographs of him, so when he doesn't.. I can show him.

Six months in two days. Yikes!

Cough cough.

"You haven't blogged in awhile, but how on earth can you keep up with a blog when you have a 4.5 month old baby? Let alone when you're both sick". Thank you Lindsey from Medford, Oregon! That is absolutely sweet and completely accurate.

For the last two weeks every time I am in a "blog mode" either myself or baby Kaiden have a coughing attack, or we need food, or we need to get some laundry or cleaning done so our (grand)mother doesn't karate kick us out of her home. Doctors appointments upon doctor appointments have piled up, and we are working on getting ourselves better.

I have recently found out there are a worser thing than baby needles. Needles you feel bad for the first few minutes of them screaming and crying, but once you console them you instantly feel relieved. Sickness? You can only try to give your little bundle of joy Tylenol and hope for the best.

So my sincere apology, readers! We're on the "get well" horse and should be back soon!

Futuristic.

I came across a few of my momma-friends' blogs, and we were all interested in the grand idea to essentially write a letter to our current selves from our pregnant selves a few weeks prior to becoming a mom. Hit it.

Dear Candace,

You are a few short weeks away from proving that you are a much wiser and stronger person than you give yourself credit for. You are about to experience the single greatest blessing a woman can ask for in a lifetime. You never asked for motherhood, it fell into your lap, but this is the most important and incredible thing you will ever do or be, I promise.

Do not spend the last handful of weeks stressing about your ability to parent! You are going to prove to everyone and yourself that you are a damn good mother. You are just as capable as anyone, and once you hear that first scream and instant cry while he's thrown on you, or you feel that heart beat against your chest..that soft breathing purring into your ear as that little boy drifts off to sleep in your arms, your maternal instincts will kick in.

People are absolutely not just being annoying when they say "enjoy every second while it lasts". Time is going to fly by so quickly and you're going to feel devastated when you learn just how truly fast it passes. Cherish every second. Soak in every breath, smile, laugh, pound gained, bottle fed. Smile at every minute of interrupted sleep. Love every second spent cuddling him close. Don't ever sweat the small stuff about being a mom!

Finally, I can promise that you are not going to be a perfect parent. Nobody ever is, you just have to try your best. You are going to have to learn and make mistakes - trial and error is okay. These are your mistakes to make. These are your things to learn. You will become a better mother by having struggles and hurdles and overcoming them. The absolute joy, happiness, peace, serenity, clarity and love you will experience trumps everything else. It's all worth it.

Love,

Yourself

Mommy Makeup!

Most pregnant people know that they are constantly told how they will cease to exist as a "woman" once they become a mother. You stop caring about your appearance and do whatever works at that point and time. Yes, including wearing no bra (or sometimes shirt!) if you're a breastfeeding momma.

Point being, the most wonderful feeling is getting dolled up by my beautiful sister-in-law when I finally got a date night! Recently her blog she has been doing exceedingly well, and she has decided to start doing makeup giveaways!

Go check out her page for her makeup tutorials, blogs and a chance to win some free MAC makeup!! HTTP://ELF-ADDICT.BLOGSPOT.COM

Down and out? I wish.

Sudden discovery? Being a mom is the toughest when you aren't feeling well. I have to admit, since giving birth to my little treasure, my body hasn't been at 100 percent..ever. It feels like they fixed my lady parts, but didn't bother to inform my organs to go back into place. I feel like a poorly constructed jigsaw puzzle with probably a few pieces missing.

I trucked through that, because I've come to the conclusion until another few months I'm not going to feel perfect! However, when a sore throat and a little cough enter the picture, and I stare at the clock and pray to God he's going to have a catch-up day on sleep - I should have known I was in for trouble.

The one day mommy is "out of commission" is the day he likes to be as cranky as can be. I know it's not his fault, so I pull out my compassionate and adoring mother card and (avoiding to kiss him) pulled him into a tight embrace and started rubbing his back. What do I get in return? I handful of my hair being ripped from the roots. "Ow, Kaiden.. can you let go of mommy's hair?" Laughter. Pure, straight from the heart chuckle. I smile and say "Oh thank you for loving mommy's luscious locks!" and softly pry his hands open to unleash myself. As soon as the last strand is out of his grasp, he started to wail. I frantically tossed my hair back into his view, but to no avail.. much too late. Bottle? Warm up.. come on, warm up faster. Nope, don't want that. Pacifier? Scream, scream, suck, suck..... Victory? Spit out! Cry, cry, scream.

The only thing that really keeps him quiet is singing "If you're happy and you know it" and I feel saddened when I know that I can recall the lyrics to any Spice Girls song, and probably all of the ones by the Backstreet Boys, but for the life of me I cannot come up with more than two kids songs. Really? Really. Back on point, that only lasted a few more minutes before he tossed his hands in the air in frustration and kept crying.

My last resort is always rubbing his gums, because if it's not food or fun he wants and I know I just changed him, it's usually that his teething is starting to bother him. My poor little quick-developing baby! So finger teether in hand, we sit in the rocking chair and before I know it, he's out. What happens next? I have a coughing attack, waking him up even after I run out of the room and muffle my coughs against my arm. And this horrid set of occurrences happens throughout the entire day!

By the evening when I could finally get a nap because my mother is home, I was absolutely drained. My whole body was ready to fall apart and I started at her in utter and complete shock. "How did you do this with TWO babies? I could barely keep up with him." She smiled at me and chuckled "I never got sick!". My lucky mother. And then I smiled to myself when I thought "Lucky, yeah maybe. But she would have done the same thing I did and persevered!".